My Take on "Supporting Kountze Kid's Faith"

It has been a long time since I've written a blog, but my heart is pretty unsettled tonight. So...here I am doing something I hardly ever do. I'm going to write about a very controversial issue.

Right now, my Facebook news feed is full of updates to people commenting on the "Support Kountze Kids Faith" group page. I want to admit, first, that if I were in high school during this issue, I probably would have been the creator of that group. Also, I'm not saying I don't "support" the demonstration of faith these kids have shown in using scripture on their football signs. I think that is wonderful.

What I really want to talk about is our "rights" as Christians. The word right implies that one would deserve something. These people are fighting for their "right" to free speech because the rest of America enjoys that right. I think that understanding the Gospel fully means understanding that you have no rights. Scripture teaches us that the only thing we deserve is hell. It teaches us that on our own, there is not an ounce of good in us. The most beautiful thing is that the Gospel is a love story about how Christ loved us anyway. He knew we were this wretched, yet he died on a cross to pay the price so we didn't have to.

What I'm wondering is- where do we "Christians" get that we deserve anything? It is a privilege to be in a country where we get to proclaim the name of Jesus without being killed yet we use that freedom to push our personal motives and to back our football signs. I don't get it. Our job as followers of Christ is to make Him famous yet we are boasting about how the Lions remain undefeated. What if we spent half of the energy we are into keeping our football signs into investing into the lives of the people who don't know this precious Jesus? I would love it if we could give up our "rights" for a little while because lately all they seem to do is convey hate.

Honestly, tonight I'm not feeling "proud" of my small home town and the statement they are making. I'm feeling overwhelmed with sadness that they can come together like this over a football sign, but I have never seen them come together like this to truly be the hands and feet of Jesus to the lost.

I'll end by saying: I'm writing this post in response to the issue as a whole. I know there are definitely people who have tried to bring the group back to stay focused on Christ and to discourage the hate being shown to non-believers. I'll also say that this is my view on the issue, and it may not be yours. That is okay.

Six months...and counting.

On November 23rd I had been officially working for 6 months. On December 2nd I will have had my license for 6 months. Wow. Who knew 6 months would go so fast? It makes me think this 3 year contract...and my life for that matter...will fly by. I remember writing not too long ago about my chaotic first day and about my terrifying first experience on my on.

One of the first few days by myself I checked a blood sugar and the monitor read "low". For those that aren't familiar that means the sugar is so low it doesn't give you a number. A low sugar is worse than a high one. My patient was slightly confused already, but it seemed she was symptomatic. I remember panicking. I ran and called another nurse to stay with her while I grabbed juice, crackers, and called the doctor. I wound up getting an order to push D50 and right before I started the other nurse said, "Did you check it again?" Oh. My. Goodness. Here I am giving this lady D50 and I didn't even check it twice! Praise God the reading was accurate and her sugar barely came to normal after the intervention. Now when I get a sugar that reads "high" or "low" I laugh every time at my calm approach to intervention and mostly at my incredible improvement in nursing judgement from my first time. It's amazing what your brain can accomplish when not clouded by fear.

I tell that story to give you a glimpse of the progress I have made. I have gone from the girl who questioned every decision I made to being the girl who has confidence to handle a floor of 7 patients by myself with one aide. Do I still have questions? OF COURSE! I always will. I am by no means a pro, but I am learning and that is comforting. I still have bad days where I am at the hospital hours after I should be, but they are now the minority.  I have been blessed with the most amazing coworkers who are completely unselfish with their time and talents and make my job worthwhile. I have been graced by some of the sweetest patients one could imagine.

I am a nurse. This statement has had a ton of meanings over the last few years. I am so very excited to see what definition it has in the coming years.

Pursue it.

"Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." Psalm 34:14

I have loved this Psalm for a long time, but for the past few days I have been reading it and really trying to digest everything in it. There is so much I think I could dwell on each verse for weeks. For today, I want to tell you about this one.

These seem like such simple commandments...for believers and not. I think I have gotten the first part for a long time. At least that's what I tell myself. I've always been the "good girl" who chose to hang around with the crowd who doesn't get into much trouble. I've never really been the type of girl you would say who hangs out and does "evil" necessarily...at least in the world's eyes. I also have always been the one who wanted everyone to get along. I never understood why when having 10 friends who were girls I had to hang out with them in packs because some didn't like the others. I never understood why my mom and I had huge fights during my teen years (like any teenager and her parents) and why the neighbors were so mean when we were the new kids. I never understood things like war and famine. Those are just silly examples, but overall I always wanted everything to be peaceful. On the surface, I'm a kind hearted girl who defnitely follows this not-so-simple command.

You see, the problem here is with my heart. I can put on a good show for the world to see so that I fall into the category with those who are "good people" (whatever that means) and who likes everyone to get along. The problem is my heart is evil. It doesn't just do evil, it is evil. Everything within me wants to reject the truth of the Gospel and live my life as if it isn't real. Even though I say I want to seek peace I find my heart wanting to know the dirt on the person sitting next to me whether it's a concious decision or not.

What a conviction this simple commandment brings! To turn from evil and do good is to live as Jesus lived. It is to choose with every decision to be as He was. To seek peace is to want it, but to pursue it is to have it. It is time to live like Jesus died for my sins and the sins of others and like He is coming back to get us! The gospel isn't something that should change my life the day I first believe in Christ, it is something that should shape every second of my life as a believer. I want to be the light of Christ to others. I want to truly turn from evil and do good. I want to not only seek peace, but to pursue it day in and day out. Some days are better than others as I know each of you have experienced. I am so thankful for a God who died for me knowing I would go a lifetime and never really get it right. I'm thankful for a Gospel that saves every day.

Today is one of those days that I pray: Come Jesus come. Come quickly. Come quickly.

Sweet to the Soul

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." Proverbs 16:24

"Hello love, I just wanted to tell you that I love you dearly. You make my life so easy, so peaceful, and so joyful. You are a HUGE blessing in my life. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you so much for being the love of my life. Thank you for working your tail off to help support and hold this family together. Thank you for loving God before loving me. Thank you for just being you. :)"

I have been having some really hard days at work. Not only are they hard physically, they are so hard emotionally. I have worked 16 hours about once a week. I have definitely had a problem with caring too much and bringing my patients home with me. I have just truly began to experience the difficult side of being a nurse. It shows. I am a positive person, but lately I have been so negative. It is tearing me up. I worked some overtime and had a few really hard emotional situations and I feel like it took a toll on me. My husband has taken it every day when I come home in tears so exhausted I just collapse into bed until it's time to get up and go again. My husband has encouraged me every step of the way. After having one of these days Thursday, I came home to roses, a Lady Antebellum CD, and a card that contained the above message. I immediately felt rejuvinated.

I'm not going to even stretch the truth far enough to say I won't have bad days. I wouldn't even dare say I won't be negative anymore and that I will learn overnight to give the appropirate amount of care to my patients but not bring those emotions home with me. I will say that for this week in my exhaustion my husband served as a light to me to point me back to the Lord and to give me some hope as I keep pushing. Those two words were sweetness to my soul and health to my body. Thank you.

30 Thoughts on DC

As most of you know I spent September 1st through 5th in Washington DC visiting my best friend. This was my first time on an airplane and a train as well as my first real vacation in my opinion. It would take several pages of writing to cover all of the things I experienced. Instead I'm going to share with you some thoughts I wrote down on a notepad to help me remember the experience. They are very random one liners that I will elaborate on as needed. I will also try to put them in as much order as possible. At the end, I'll include some of my favorite pictures from the trip. Enjoy!

1. Clouds are gorgeous. My first thought was "What a wonderful Maker!"'
2. All states look the same from an airplane. This was my daytime thought. More on night soon.
3. Airplanes are boring. Also a daytime thought. The night ride was much better.
4. Metro is fast. This is referring to the speed of travel as well as the opening and closing of the doors for exiting and entering. You had to be quick!
5. People in DC not very friendly.
6. Air and Space over my head...literally.
7. Supreme Court building all marble- beautiful and bright!
8. Ian Capitol tour amazing! Brittany's boyfriend Ian works at the Capitol and gave us a tour. It was our favorite tour of all. He did a fantastic job.
9. Floor of Capitol kind of small. It looks big on CSPAN, but not so much in real life.
10. White House is cooler from the outside looking in. The inside just feels like a staged museum. I understand for safety reasons that they can't show us where the president actually lives, but it just felt unrealistic. It was much cooler from the outside.
11. I don't know history well. Oh boy. Mrs. Turner would be so disappointed.
12. MLK memorial was favorite. This was a brand new memorial. It had tons of wonderful quotes, and I really love quotes.
13. So glad dad isn't on Vietnam wall. I teared up seeing all of the names on this wall. I was so thankful that neither mine or Bryan's dad was one of them.
14. Thankful for military. DC had tons of memorials honoring the military. Politics aside, I am so very grateful for the work they do. I don't think I'll ever really understand the prices they pay. Thank you. Thank you so much.
15. Homeless people are devestating. I saw my first homeless child. He was probably 3. My heart crumbled. These people aren't on the side of the road begging for money. They are sleeping under cardboard boxes in the metro stations. They are homeless. I am humbled.
16. Crime and Punishment Museum so fun.
17. Chinatown scary = me shallow. It was scary. I am shallow for that being my only thought.
18. Interracial couples are normal. We didn't get any dirty looks in DC when we held hands. It was nice.
19. National Zoo and Aquarium kind of lame.
20. Wax Museum hilarious.
21. Georgetown Cupcakes would definitely win cupcake wars. These were the most delicious dessert I have ever had. Really. I wish I could ship them to Nac regularly.
22. National Archives nothing like National Treasure. I just really love National Treasure.
23. Husband is awesome. I realized this trip more than ever that my husband makes huge sacrifices to be sure that my comfort comes before his. He constantly made sure I had a seat on the metro before he did. He gave me the window seat on the plane even though it was only his second time to fly. He carried both of our bags. He is the most selfless person I have ever met. I am so lucky to be his wife.
24. Travel is expensive. We went over budget just a bit, but it was way worth it.
25. Brittany's planning makes life so easy. Minute by minute itenarary. I know when I take my next vacation without her, I'll really miss this.
26. Firting with my husband throughout our whole trip- unforgettable. ;) so fun.
27. Watching TV is worth the 8 bucks. Criminal Minds wasn't so scary on the plane ride back. In fact, it made our flight go by much quicker and was much more enjoyable!
28. Flying above storms feels supernatural. On our way back we were above the storm clouds covering the East Coast. It was beautiful and weird at the same time.
29. Plane at night- WOW! Oh-em-gee. The lights of a city look amazing from the seat of a plane. I love Christmas, and it just reminded me of lots of gorgeous Christmas lights.
30. Seeing Liz was wonderful, and we love Kingwood. We got to see my dear friend Liz on our way home because she lives in Kingwood. Bryan and I decided Kingwood would be a nice place to live one day. It's only a little over an hour from home and gives us just enough "big city".

Stephen F. Austin in the Capitol. We had to represent!

There goes the train!

This was one of them many quotes at the MLK memorial. This one was one of my favorites.

Brittany and I right outside her school. There are one of these marking all four corners of her campus. The campus is nothing like what a college campus here looks like. Instead it's several buildings on a city block.

Ian and I riding the train in the tunnel connecting the buildings of the Captiol.

This quote made me want to cry. The Department of Veterans Affairs has helped my dad tremendously. I'm thankful for the work they do.

I am standing right above the empty tomb where George Washington was to be build. The problem is Washington died before it was finished. The place I'm standing is also where NE, NW, SE, and SW Washington DC meet. It is also considered lucky to stand here.  

Big Girls Don't Cry

Or do they? I seem to have been crying an awful lot in the past few days. Let me tell you why.

For the past two years I have gradually felt more and more like a "big girl nurse". First semester was a huge step because I could wear scrubs, go to the hospital, and even take your blood pressure! Surely that's what nursing is about right? Second semester I could start IV! Third semester I knew the code to get in ICU and I had my own patient there where I drew blood from central lines, calculated drips, and measured intracranial pressure. That's pretty "big girl" if you ask me. Fouth semester I got to go to clinical without an instructor for 12 whole hours! June 1st came and I took my NCLEX. The state of Texas decided I was a "big girl nurse".

I began working May 23rd, and some of you may remember how crazy that first day experience was for me from my previous post you can read here. I have been working for the past 3 months with a preceptor over me. While I have gradually gained my independence in caring for my patients there has always been another nurse behind the scenes who was responsible for the same patients as I was, would help me as needed, and answer any questions I had. I have been blessed with some wonderful nurses watching out for me.

Thursday I woke up and headed to the hospital like any other day. I knew my orientation period was coming to a close, but I thought I would be with a preceptor for the rest of the month. I was shocked to see that I had been put on my own. What? My orientation is over? Just like that? I was flabbergasted. (I like that word in case you are wondering.) Immediately fear won me over and I began to cry for time number one of the day. It's impossible for me to explain the day I had without breaking HIPPA, but lets just say it was far worse of a day than I had ever experienced in orientation all three months. I had 3 nurses, one being my director of nursing, on the floor helping me to get everything done that needed to be. I was at the hospital charting until 10pm. That makes for 16 hours folks. That's a long day when you have to come back the next. Over the course of Thursday I cried about 4 times trying my best to go places and hide so no one would see me. I don't like to be the emotional one.

Friday morning I sat on my couch, called my mom and cried to her explaining that I was scared to go back to work because I never wanted to feel the way I did Thursday. She calmed me reminding me that every day wouldn't be that terrible and things would get better as time went on. I had plenty of reassurance from friends and family that days wouldn't always be like that, but for some reason I was still so unbelievably overtaken by fear. Friday came and went. It was busy, but nothing like Thursday, and I am so grateful for that!

I guess you can say now that I'm officially a "big girl nurse" taking patients on my own. While my first day was pretty rough I'm going to keep a positive attitude knowing that the Lord works even through terrible days. Anxiety is definitely a mountain I'm climbing with Matthew 6:25-33 in mind constantly. I cannot wait to get to a point in my career where I can look on this time and laugh. I know that time is coming, and until then I'll just keep doing the best I can and take every opportunity as a learning experience.

I couldn't have made it through this week without my amazing co-workers, family, friends, and especially God.

I'll end with my favorite line from an old movie "Emperors New Groove":
Pacha: Uh-oh.
Kuzco: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Pacha: Yep.
Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Pacha: Most likely.
Kuzco: Bring it on.
Bring. It. On.

Who decided it was good?

On the first day of fourth grade I walked into Mrs. Glenda William's class with my pink and purple heart-patterned tights and likely my hideous blue Winnie-the-Pooh scrunchie around my wrist. Immediately a little girl, not much different from myself (but probably a tad more stylish), sought me out to know the name of the new girl. What was nothing more than a nosey gesture started the best friendship of my life.

Brittany was the first friend I ever stayed the night with. When these sleepovers began in fourth grade they were unstoppable. We played Monopoly and laughed at the silliest things for hours like "the thimble rolls". We played Guess Who and accidently asked "Who's bed have your boots been under?" because we had been listening to Shania too much. We made up a dance to If You Wanna Be My Lover, and thought we were ready to win the talent show we never entered. We took baths together even though we were probably much too old- thank you Maw Maw. We spent hours writing how we hearted our crush of the week (or year if you count Blake Corkill) on a huge green beach ball. We "prank called" every business we could think of asking them what time they closed- rebels right?

Elementary ended quickly. Middle school was full of much more change and adventure. It was a must that we sat on the "prep bench" and didn't eat lunch. It was during middle school that we somewhat started to gain our personality and realize that we were two pretty different people. It didn't stop us though. Even though we each made new friends, Brittany was still the person I would call before anyone if I needed a real friend. We sat on the "prep bench" many times singing Lean On Me and Rodeo laughing hysterically.

While our differences became more evident, High School proved to be the time I grew to know my best friend for who she was and love her so much for that. During this time I watched her face tragedy like many people our age never know, and I watched it define her. She went on to get a full paid scholarship to The University of Texas and show just how amazing she was.

Brittany graduated UT in 3 years and immediately worked to change the world in her way. Tomorrow she will leave for Washington, DC where she will begin graduate school at The George Washington University to get a masters degree in Public Health Policy. The little nosey girl from fourth grade will go hundreds of miles away and continue to change lives. The point of this blog is to tell you how she changed mine.

Because of my best friend, I am definitely a better person. I have learned what it means to have a friend that will be there no matter how much they like you at the moment. I have learned what it means to love someone completely different from you. I have a friend who is brutally honest no matter how much it hurts because she loves me too much to lie. I have seen first hand someone who fights for what she believes and acheives her dreams. I can look at her life and be immediately challenged in my own.

I have the BEST best friend in the world. The only thing good about this goodbye is the person I'm saying it to.