Sleep Like A Baby

For the past 17 months, I could never understand why someone would use the term "sleep like a baby." Sometimes I seriously thought it had to be this horrible trick that people played to make sure we continue to procreate. My baby didn't sleep. Let me give you a little overview of our journey. Noah woke up the usual every 2 hours for the first couple months of life. He continued to wake up 4-6 times a night until he was well past  9 months. He did not sleep through the night one time for 10 months and 6 days. He did that two days I think before reverting back to the 2-3 times a night. At about a year old, he got considerably better and only regularly woke up once a night. I am here to tell you at almost 17 months old, my child has slept through the night for FOUR whole weeks!!!! I've written a blog occasionally about things I learned in motherhood. This most definitely deserves a blog.

God is good. He really is good. He is good apart from good things. In fact, good things are only good because of Him. Even in hard things, like not sleeping for over a year, God shows me over and over how good He is. I know I'm being dramatic (and repetitive) here, but you have to understand how much I love sleep. It was a big fat idol in my life. I spent many nights asking God why He took it away from me. Those of you who have walked with God for very long at all are probably laughing at those last two statements back to back...or thinking that I get a F in the Christian column today. I'm just being honest. I didn't want to lay it down. I wanted to tell you that sleep was created to make the brain work, and I needed it so God should not take it away from me for so long. I signed up for the standard 3-6 months of sleep loss like all the other parents. I should not get the short straw here. In every single night and day that I fell on my knees before Him pleading and asking why, He met me with grace. Grace for the times I snapped at my husband and blamed sleep deprivation, for the times I said I was too tired to spend time with Him, for the times I wished I had never become a mom. My sleep was hardly the biggest issue on God's plate. In fact, it shouldn't be considered a thing at all if you really think about it. Regardless of its true insignificance in the light of all the big things going on in our world, He cared for me and my sleep. He sought me, loved me, carried me, and gave me heaping spoonfuls of grace every one of the days. Because He is a good, good Father.

Sleep experts are stupid. I know I'm being harsh here, but I earned that right. No one knows how to make babies sleep. I have read and heard it all. Books, websites, blogs, personal testimonies, research articles. I truly believe I have tried everything out there...feel free to test me if you want. For every article that tells you that kids need to learn to self-sooth (whatever the heck that means), there is an article that tells you that you will ruin them for life if you do it. For every magical sleep tool, there are 10 articles about babies who died from using that product. It's all a long shot in the dark. Let's face it, we are desperate and people prowl on that. If you can answer the sleepy mom's need for sanity, she will do anything. It's a popular market. There were definitely a couple things that made a difference, if even for a short time, but nothing made him sleep well consistently...except maybe Jesus and time. 

This next part is for mamas. I know that dads do hard work. Sometimes they are working all day and still come home to take their shift with the crying baby. I am a huge fan of dads if you haven't noticed, and I think they absolutely HAVE to help with babies that don't sleep. But there is something about being a mama that really makes this on you. It's not something that someone does to you, it's just sort of there I think. We feel like we are supposed to have the thing that helps our babies get through the hard stuff. We are supposed to have the answers that make them better. We are the ones that turmoil over our every decision. So sweet, sleepy mama hear me clearly. You are doing a great job. You are going to survive this. You are not alone. It's okay if you don't cherish every second because sometimes the seconds are hard to cherish. Keep surviving because the good will outweigh the bad. You will not break them. One day they truly will sleep. You have my permission to keep track of every second they take from you and hold them accountable to it as teenagers. And more than anything, Jesus is sufficient in this hard, hard stuff. He will meet you where you are and carry you through. 

Lastly, this would not be complete if I didn't say thank you to all of you reading and listening over the past year. Your prayers were my strength. Your coffee gift cards almost converted me to a coffee drinker. Your comments on my 2 a.m. posts truly kept me sane. I have never been more happy to be a nurse than to realize how many people I know awake in the middle of the night. They say it takes a village, and you guys have been my village. I know you will continue to be because I have no doubt other hard things await. 

Few things are sweeter than this.