Blessed

Blessed. I feel like this is kind of like the word love. English just doesn't do it justice. I mean there is agape love, phileo love, and eros love just to name a few. We use the same word to describe our feelings for food as we do for the most important people in our lives. Blessed, like love, doesn't offer enough emphasis to the emotions it provokes. Lucky doesn't do it because it leaves it up to chance. I'm more of a believer that someone God is in control.

I am blessed. Yesterday I turned 22, and I got a glimpse of just how blessed I am. I woke up to two amazing friends singing me happy birthday with a cupcake and a candle on my porch at midnight to start the day right. I can't forget to mention that they toughed out pouring rain to make sure they could follow through with this. My husband later bought me gorgeous flowers and treated me like a queen for the day. When I walked into a meeting for school everyone suddenly burst into singing "happy birthday", some of these people who knew me and others who didn't. Finally, I ended the day with close to 30 friends (I didn't count all who came.) enjoying a night of fun with me. Some of the closest who gave me a gift card for $150 so I could buy the Garmin watch I've been wanting for running. These people love me. Most of them think I've helped their lives in some way. What they don't know is the impact they've had on mine. The smiles they have put on my face and the friendship they have given me is completely irreplaceable.

Bryan and I have been a little concerned about finances for the beginning of summer. We were trying really hard to not deplete our first savings that we were so thankfully able to accumulate since January. I wasn't supposed to start work until June 20, but our funds were slowly dwindling. We had been talking about this often, and I have probably done the math a million times. It doesn't help that I need a whole new wardrobe of scrubs to start work, and I really wanted a few more things to finish our house before family visited at graduation. Yesterday I got an email saying I could start work earlier than the original June 20 start date. Today I got $457.90 credited to my bank account for an award I was selected for from my amazing nursing professors. I had no clue this award existed, and I definitely didn't know it included money. When I realized what had happened, all I could do was cry.

I have absolutely no doubt that God is behind every single good thing that has happened in the past week. I am first grateful to Him for this love that I am so undeserving of. Not only do I have His unending love, but I have the love all of these people in my life. The past weeks have had some trials, but the Lord has once again proven so faithful to overwhelm me with His goodness. His timing is perfect. His methods are flawless. He is good.

Happy Birthday Chris

Tomorrow is my little cousin Christopher's 21 birthday. He will spend it in prison. Not only will he spend it in prison, but he will know that this is the first birthday of his life without his father (who we lost one month ago today), the most important man in his life. Christopher was my first friend. He was the most important peer in my life until I was about 10 or 11 years old. We spent the night together every single night. We played together. He was my best friend in the world. Having been only 358 days younger than me and the only other kid around you can imagine how close the bond was.

I think this was Christmas. We had a lot of fun together.

Tonight, I will go to sleep in my comfortable bed in my safe house. I will kiss my loving husband goodnight and set my alarm on my iPhone. I will wake up tomorrow and take a few steps to get a little closer to finishing my first college degree in just under a month. I have a car (even if it is in the shop), a closet full of clothes, and a group of people surrounding me that love and support me. I have wonderful influences. I have people that are challenging me daily to be a better person.

I grew up in almost the exact same environment as Christopher. We lived next door to each other for much of our lives and only a couple blocks away for the rest. Our parents lived the same lifestyles. We both came from poor families. Why do I get to be different? What happened? I'm by no means knocking the justice system that is punishing my cousin for his mistakes. I'm questioning what led him to make those mistakes and me not to. I'm no more deserving of this life than him. It was all about a few wrong choices, a sequence of mistakes. Life can change so fast.

We are broken. We all are. We all make mistakes. Tonight I'm humbled that my mistakes haven't put me in prison or cost me my family. Tonight, I will try not to take for granted my freedom to live, but more importantly my freedom in Christ. I am humbled by the grace that set me apart. I am completely undeserving and humbled beyond belief.

Happy birthday Christopher. I love you.

The Bright Side

I always chuckle a little when I hear the statement, "The devil has been busy." I don't really know why but something about it just makes me laugh. I picture a little red guy with a pitch fork running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Quite realistic, right? Needless to say, I don't really use that phrase, but it seems so appropriate for my life these past few weeks.

If it isn't one thing it's another. We had the death of my uncle, Bryan found out he doesn't get to start grad school this year as we'd hoped due to some stupid technicalities, my alternator went out and cost $300 to fix, I was exposed to Hepatitis B and C at clinical, and to top it off my bookshelf collapsed about 5 minutes ago. That's just what I can remember from the top of my head within the past 2 weeks!

I should feel kind of like this bookshelf. It wasn't at all meant to carry that much weight so when the smallest piece of support (my book that I was excited to read) was taken away, it collapsed.

Let me just say that somehow, my spirits aren't broken. The biggest of these obstacles (probably only because it is the most recent) is me being exposed to Hepatitis B and C. I am so thankful for immunizations so I don't have to worry at all about the Hep B. The doctors said I have less than a 1% chance of contracting Hep C. Those are really small odds, but that's not what's most comforting. I believe God is sovereign and He wasn't surprised by this. He is in perfect control and I am "Safe" in His arms. If I have Hep C, then I will find a way to show Him through it. Can you imagine the people I could reach with that kind of disease?! People who wouldn't ever consider listening to me would if they knew that kind of story. It could be amazing. Am I wishing for it? NO! Am I going to make the most of it? Yes. I won't know for months or even more than a year if I have contracted the disease. I won't live that time in fear. The doctors told me I don't have to follow any special precautions and to live as if I am not infected since the chance is so very low. I'll do that and leave the rest to Him.

There are so many things that can get you down in life. I could very easily be having a huge pity party. Life is so much better from the bright side. Have you found something to smile about today?