No Pain, No Gain

So I mentioned a while ago that I was doing the couch to 5K training program. Today I finished week 4 which consisted of running 1/4 mile, walking 1/8 mile, running 1/2 mile, walking 1/4 mile, running 1/4 mile, walking 1/8 mile, and finishing up with 1/2 mile. Let me just say looking at this week terrified me. Before then we had never run more than 1/4 mile at a time and that was difficult. The thought of running 1/2 twice was overwhelming. To top it off, on Monday we ran in the cold rain. Strangely enough, it wasn't that bad. Bethany and I finished it like champs. We did the same thing on Tuesday, but that one proved much harder for me. Today was the last day of week 4. Bethany had to go out of town so for the first time since we've started training I had to run by myself. After consulting with Chip, who has been wonderful in answering questions and giving encouragement, I set out to try a new course.

I decided to run from my apartment on University to E. College, up to Raguet, down to Austin, and back to my apartment on University. The challenge here is that there is a hill from University to E. College which happened to be my first 1/2 mile. At the end of that 1/2 I was doing better than expected. I was shuffling along, and my legs were hurting pretty terribly, but I made it. Somewhere between there and my last 1/2 mile I got mentally exhausted as well as physically burnt out. My lungs were hurting worse than ever before, and I was fighting with myself about finishing the last 1/2. I wanted to quit because no one would really know, and I truly didn't think I could do it. I was feeling dizzy, dehydrated, and quite frankly in lots of pain. Right as it was time to start running for my last stretch I heard "Lord you are good, and your mercy endures forever." come from my iPod. I love that song! I sing it all the time in the morning and it gets me in such a wonderful mood. I truly think God was giving me the extra piece of strength I needed to push through. I finished my run, and I could have seriously had my hands in the air singing to God.

As of now, I still can't quit coughing, and I have blown my nose probably a gazillion times. My feet hurt, my legs hurt, my chest hurts...my heart is really happy though. I conquered one more day of this adventure. I'd be a fool to not give every ounce of thanks to God.

I love this quote: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." --A. Einstein. Let's just say I believe in miracles.

A week from today my training calls for me to run 2 miles without walking. I can't remember a time I've done that in my whole life...at least when I was counting. That will take a miracle. Good thing I believe, right?

Had Me From Hello

Most of the time when Bryan gets home from work I am sitting on the couch on my computer either doing something nonproductive or studying. I generally look up with a quick "hi" and go back to what I was doing. You can see in his face every time that he is tired, and probably wanted more. Because of my selfish nature, I haven't really ever considered more. He doesn't seem incredibly excited to see me, and I'm busy so I just keep the routine the same.

A few days ago I read a post that was linked to this wonderful blog that made me decide to try something new. I decided to give my husband a greeting like I hadn't seen him in months. Today, when he got home from work I literally ran to him to give him a hug and kiss and say hello. I told him how much I missed him today (because I did so very much) and just sunk in his arms for a few minutes. His face was so wonderful. He looked so excited...loved...respected. I have decided that I will try everything in my power to greet him like this everyday. I will also teach my kids to greet daddy like this.

As his wife, it is my job to continually make my husband feel loved, and mostly respected. I'm not very good at it most of the time, but I'm so thankful for a little piece of advice that I think will go a long way.

Today, when you are happy to see someone...let them know. Don't ever assume that someone knows how you feel about them. They don't. Life is too short to not take advantage of telling people what they mean to you. Words like "Thank you.", "I love you.", and "I'm happy you're in my life." go further than you may know.

Sleepy Sunday

Normally I get into school mode about a week before the semester starts. I normally have already completed the first few assignments, and am ready to go by the time the first day arrives. This semester is much different. I cannot seem to get into school mode. We have our first test next Wednesday, and I haven't studied at all. It would appear that I have because I made a huge review for the class, but that wasn't really studying for me. I don't learn through typing. I just kind of do it mindlessly. I hope to make some progress today, but I don't know if that will happen. My head is pounding, and my mind is elsewhere. I'll keep up the wishful thinking, though.

Today church was amazing. Church is great every Sunday, but today it was different. I'm having a day where I am just reflecting on the past few weeks and thinking about my decisions. There's something about breaks from school that seem to bring out the worst in my character. I think I get bored, and begin to fill my time with things before actually thinking those things through. I should really get that under control before I graduate in just over 100 days. Anyway, back to church...did I say that it was amazing? Yes. Amazing. I love to worship. I love the feeling of vulnerability before a God who I know loves me with the most pure love. I have a hard time being vulnerable normally, but before God it is totally different. Don't get me wrong, it hurts to admit who you are and what you've done before a holy, perfect God. It is so amazing to know that He already knows. It is so overwhelming to know that He loved me even when He knew I would betray Him time and time again. Today as I closed my eyes and sang to my creator, my heart rested for a little while. That is the best feeling in the world. I cannot wait to praise His name for eternity. I cannot wait to be free of my flesh.

Later today, I'm going to pose for Randi in my wedding dress so she can get some practice with bridal pictures. My dress has been in my trunk since the wedding. I know that is pitiful, and I should take more care of it. I don't have any emotional connection, though. Maybe one day I'll regret feeling that way, but for now it's just a dress. Needless to say, it is a very wrinkled dress so I think these pictures will be quite amusing. At least she'll get the practice she needs, and I'll get to wear my dress more than once. If I'm not horrified by the pictures, maybe I'll post some here later.

Today is absolutely beautiful. I don't ever want to take for granted that I get to wake up and see the sun shining in the bright blue sky. It is a privilege that some will never know for some reason or another. I wish I could take a blanket to the park and nap feeling the sun shine on my face. I'll settle for practicing bridal pictures. Have an amazing day my friends.

Thoughts Racing

I have always been a thinker. My brain is going 100 mph 100% of the time I'm awake. Even when I'm sleeping, I'd say it still trucks along at about 70 mph. There are lots of things I think about. Here are a few:

1. School. Nursing school has been the most chaotic time of my life. Organization skills have saved me, but I feel like there is constantly something to be thinking about. Sometimes it is a test coming up or a big clinical. Others it's a subject that is hard to grasp. And on days like today, it's figuring out how to make myself organized enough that I can be in the right place at the right time with the right materials for the next 5 months.

2. My infinite to-do list. I make at least one a day, but sometimes I wind up with 3 or 4. They are stuck all over my desk and in random places throughout my planner. I have an obsession with lists, and there is a great deal of pleasure that comes from crossing things off of this list.

 3. My interactions/relationships with others. I am probably one of the most analytical people in the whole world. I analyze every word I speak, how people perceive it, and how that affects our relationship. I also analyze everything everyone else does and says. It often creates all kinds of problems. My husband gets so tired of me analyzing his every move, he sometimes just tells me to stop thinking about what he is doing because he's not thinking about it.

As you can imagine, I get mentally exhausted. This month has been particularly rough. I haven't had restful sleep in weeks it seems. I say all of that to tell you about this wonderful addition to my life. January 3rd I started training for my first race. It will be a 5K in April. I was beyond scared because I have never run more than a mile and a half that I can remember, and I am incredibly out of shape. I went out and bought myself a $100 pair of running shoes (partly because I needed them and partly because I knew spending $100 on something would motivate me to use it). I had no clue that running would be so wonderful! When I'm running, all I think about is getting from point A to point B in a decent amount of time with a decent form (although Chip would say I don't move my arms right). It is wonderful to have nothing going on in my head other than the things I need to have there for running. It almost makes me sad to think that one day I might be good enough at it that I can think of other things than my side cramp and aching knees. Until then, I'm going to enjoy every time I get to start a new journey, and be so incredibly thankful that I have found something to slow down my brain...even if it is just for a few minutes.

running shoes that I love. :)

Unending love. Amazing grace.

I always viewed God as something that I could have more/less of. I felt like if I were good, I would get more of God, but when I was bad I would lose some of Him. As you can imagine, this shaped the way I looked at life a whole lot. While reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan about a year ago I realized how wrong I had been thinking about it. When I accepted Christ I got all of God at that moment. I will never be able to have any more or less of Him regardless of my actions. I wonder, then, how I can feel so far from God sometimes and so close to Him others. I've realized that it's not God that is moving...it's me. At points in my life where I feel like I am sinning a lot I tend to move away from doing things like praying, reading my Bible, and participating in fellowship with other Christians. It's important to note that "sinning a lot" is normally based on worldly standards. It's periods in my life where I feel like all people, Christian and not, would consider my actions wrong. If I were using the scriptural definition, I'd realize that I pretty much am in the same condition before God every day, filthy with sin. It's much easier to compare yourself to the world than to scripture. Anyway, the beauty in this is that God isn't moving! I think of Clayton. Sometimes he comes home in the afternoons completely black from playing in the mud. There's no telling the things that are on him including dirt in every crevice. Every night, though, his mom gives him a bath and washes away all that gunk. God does that to me too. What an amazing truth that His grace literally washes me clean every single day. What a patient God that I get a fresh start so often...a fresh start that I don't deserve one bit.

I bought a new Beth Moore study yesterday called Believing God. I'm looking forward to digging into this study starting tomorrow. I'm ashamed to say I haven't had a quiet time in months and I definitely feel the effects of that. I can't wait to see how I will be challenged through this study, and Beth Moore is always a delight. Sometimes I feel like my faith is a roller coaster. I have these awesome peaks, and not so awesome valleys. I've been in a valley for a little while...I'm ready for a peak.

This week, there have been many arrangements made for a funeral that took place yesterday. A family in our church buried their 4 year old daughter Ila who died last Saturday in a tragic accident. Yesterday, I was reading through Facebook, and someone's status said "Rest in peace little Ila." I immediately started feeling tears welling up in my eyes, and I didn't really know why. I didn't know Ila, but I knew lots of the families and kids she knew. I began to think about the words of that status. I believe Ila is in heaven with Jesus. I believe that heaven is a place where there is no pain or suffering. Ila truly gets to rest in peace for eternity. It is incredibly sad that this family had to say goodbye to their precious daughter, but today I think Ila is rejoicing. I think she got the best deal of all...an eternity with her Savior. Little Ila, I hope you are knowing a peace the none of us can understand on this earth. Please continue to pray for her family. Today at church, they looked beyond exhausted.

This blog is much longer than I expected it to be. These are just some things I thought about last night as I was going to bed, and they haven't really left my thoughts since. Today is rainy and cold. It's a good day for gumbo (which is on the stove) and a movie (which will happen very soon).

Ready. Set. Go.

I have always thought it was incredibly hard to communicate using only words. I've also learned that communication is 90% nonverbal. Having said that, it is incredible when someone figures out how to make that 10% count. Maybe that is why I have grown to love reading so much. There is nothing like a good book that brings you in like you are living every moment. I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, and I guess you can say it has inspired me to write my own. I'm aware that I will, in no way, be as eloquent with words as those who I have read. I would also say that English probably isn't my forte; I'm a math girl. However, I am definitely looking forward to not only writing about life, but being able to read about life later. There is something very therapeutic about seeing where you've come from.

That brings me to the last time I had a "blog". It was a Xanga. It actually still exists. As I was reading through it a few days ago, I couldn't help but to laugh hysterically at some of the fun moments I had forgotten. I was also blown away at the person I have become since that time. I had written every word with the deepest sincerity, yet there were so many things about life that I still needed to learn. I am so thankful to look back and see how my life has been shaped since then. I think that would be my biggest motivation for starting this blog. I treat life as if I have it all figured out, but I'm smart enough at this point to know that couldn't be further from the truth. I cannot wait to look back years from now and see what else life has taught me. I have no doubt the journey will be marvelous.

I guess it was only appropriate to start my first blog with a few thoughts and expectations for this. If nothing else, it will be wonderful to have the crazy fun moments available for comic relief on days when I need it.

For today, if you haven't already PLEASE go see damnyouautocorrect.com. I'm really late in the technology world, but this has brought me to tears multiple times in the past few days. Everyone should laugh like that...as often as possible.