Beautiful Chaos

Many of you have asked about my first day of work so I decided to just give you the story here. Enjoy!

I'll start by telling you about my Monday. I had a long to-do list for Monday to prepare me for my first week of work. Some things I really wanted to do was have a long (long for me) run, plan out some new meals for the next two weeks, and do some intense grocery shopping for those meals. Instead, I woke up at 5 a.m. vomitting. I prayed it would be one time and over, but that wasn't the case. It continued throughout the day. I never left the couch more than 5 minutes. If you know me, you know that the absolute worst kind of sickness to me is nausea and vomiting. I truly hate it. After throwing up a glass of water I drank around noon...very painfully...I laid on the bathroom floor and cried. It was no fun. Sorry for the graphic details...that's the nurse in me. My day was made much better by the afternoon when the sweetest friend in the world, Jessica Lowe  brought me a survival kit with Gatorade, 4 different anti-nausea medicines to choose from, magazines, chicken noodle soup, and saltine crackers. She also cooked dinner for Bryan and brought it over so it was one less thing I had to worry about. When Bryan got home, he waited on me hand and foot and also went grocery shopping for the essential things to get us through the week until I could go grocery shopping. The service these two provided to me really made me get through the day. Absolute blessings.

I went to bed at 9 p.m. after taking 2 Dramamine to calm residual nausea and hopefully help me sleep. Help me sleep it did. It helped me so much that I didn't hear either of the alarms I set. I woke up at 6:20 a.m. (the time I had planned to leave my house) and screamed "You have GOT to be kidding me!" I proceeded to throw things around and turn on every light completely disregarding my sweet sleeping husband. I was very weak and had that disgusting cold clammy sweat that felt like it might lead to passing out any minute. Luckily, I clocked into work at 6:45 a.m. (when I was supposed to be there) looking rough as ever and feeling just about the same.

I was doing well until about 8:30 a.m. when I almost passed out after standing too long in a patient's room. I was thankful that they soon switched me to follow the Unit Clerk for the rest of the day. Not only did that allow much more sitting, but also I got to learn a lot about charting, orders, and the computer system. Those are all things I had little confidence about and understand much better now. Another absolute blessing.

My co-workers are fantastic. They are all very welcoming and sweet. I felt like I fit in from the first moment. I love that the nurse manager is so willing to just walk up to me and teach me things. Everyone seems to have confidence in me even if I don't have it in myself, and that is so reassuring. I think I will fit in very well on this unit, and I am so very pleased. Today my permit posted so tomorrow I get to go to work with a fancy "Graduate Nurse" badge instead of my "Nurse Tech" one. I'm pretty dang excited about that...especially since it adds an additional $11 per hour to my pay.

I'm still nervous about what is to come, but I'm also very thankful for the little reminders that even in the chaos, life is beautiful. As always, God is good.

Hello World

Today I sat in a classroom with 58 of my favorite people for the last time and took the final test of my undergraduate college career. This is supposed to be one of the biggest celebrations of my life, but all I have been doing all day is crying! It's embarrassing to be so sad when everyone else is so happy. In some ways, it makes me feel ungrateful for the huge accomplishment. I've been trying to figure out what my deal is and here are some things I've discovered:

• I was not supposed to graduate college. By all statistics out there kids with lives like mine don't grow up and become college graduates. It wasn't preached to me everyday to go get my degree. It was assumed I'd find the best job possible with my high school diploma, if I even attained that. When I decided to go to college, I was the first in my family to ever do so and it was almost as if I was turning my back on "where I had come from" to some extent. Don't get me wrong, my family was proud, but they never understood what I was doing or why. Not only am I graduating college, I'm doing so with a 4.0 overall GPA. I say that to say how overwhelming it feels. I do not feel for one second worthy of such a huge accomplishment. I'm crying because some people in this world don't even get to finish elementary level education, but I get to graduate from college. Let me never ever take that for granted.
• All I have ever known was school. I began going to daycare before I can remember. I have been in a school setting literally my entire life. It's no secret I'm good at school. Who wants to quit something they are good at? I am beyond terrified to start work as a nurse and begin real life. I grew up at a young age because of how my family life was. I knew how to manage money, work, and be self-sufficient. I'm not scared of those things. I am, however, terrified to know what it is like to only work. It's also pretty obvious I don't do well with change. I'm a duck, not an eagle. If it's not broken, don't fix it. School was going just fine...but we just "fixed" it. 
• I seriously LOVE the people I have grown to know in these 4 years. Leaving high school was hard. We had a small class of just over 60 students. Leaving college feels like leaving family. These people aren't just students. They are my friends...my friends that share a common goal in life to serve others...my friends that have experienced some of the most important moments in my life. I know we will "stay in touch", but I also know the reality of life is I will likely stay close friends with very few of them. They will all move on and begin their lives, make new friends, and move on. I will do the same. I know that is part of life, and I know those are wonderful things. Right now, though, it just hurts. I don't want new friends. I want these friends.

I think for today, I'm going to cry. I don't think there is any shame in feeling overwhelmingly grateful, terrified, and even sad. All of those emotions are the cause of the lump that hasn't left my throat since about 5:30 a.m. It goes without saying that I am also incredibly excited to start a new journey in life. This won't be the end of school for me, just school as I know it. I know the Lord has more in store for me than I can imagine, and I don't think it's His goal to keep me comfortable. I rest in knowing He is good.  I give all thanks to Him for 4 of the best years of my life.

Hello world, my name is Katy Trotty, BSN.