Hello World

Today I sat in a classroom with 58 of my favorite people for the last time and took the final test of my undergraduate college career. This is supposed to be one of the biggest celebrations of my life, but all I have been doing all day is crying! It's embarrassing to be so sad when everyone else is so happy. In some ways, it makes me feel ungrateful for the huge accomplishment. I've been trying to figure out what my deal is and here are some things I've discovered:

• I was not supposed to graduate college. By all statistics out there kids with lives like mine don't grow up and become college graduates. It wasn't preached to me everyday to go get my degree. It was assumed I'd find the best job possible with my high school diploma, if I even attained that. When I decided to go to college, I was the first in my family to ever do so and it was almost as if I was turning my back on "where I had come from" to some extent. Don't get me wrong, my family was proud, but they never understood what I was doing or why. Not only am I graduating college, I'm doing so with a 4.0 overall GPA. I say that to say how overwhelming it feels. I do not feel for one second worthy of such a huge accomplishment. I'm crying because some people in this world don't even get to finish elementary level education, but I get to graduate from college. Let me never ever take that for granted.
• All I have ever known was school. I began going to daycare before I can remember. I have been in a school setting literally my entire life. It's no secret I'm good at school. Who wants to quit something they are good at? I am beyond terrified to start work as a nurse and begin real life. I grew up at a young age because of how my family life was. I knew how to manage money, work, and be self-sufficient. I'm not scared of those things. I am, however, terrified to know what it is like to only work. It's also pretty obvious I don't do well with change. I'm a duck, not an eagle. If it's not broken, don't fix it. School was going just fine...but we just "fixed" it. 
• I seriously LOVE the people I have grown to know in these 4 years. Leaving high school was hard. We had a small class of just over 60 students. Leaving college feels like leaving family. These people aren't just students. They are my friends...my friends that share a common goal in life to serve others...my friends that have experienced some of the most important moments in my life. I know we will "stay in touch", but I also know the reality of life is I will likely stay close friends with very few of them. They will all move on and begin their lives, make new friends, and move on. I will do the same. I know that is part of life, and I know those are wonderful things. Right now, though, it just hurts. I don't want new friends. I want these friends.

I think for today, I'm going to cry. I don't think there is any shame in feeling overwhelmingly grateful, terrified, and even sad. All of those emotions are the cause of the lump that hasn't left my throat since about 5:30 a.m. It goes without saying that I am also incredibly excited to start a new journey in life. This won't be the end of school for me, just school as I know it. I know the Lord has more in store for me than I can imagine, and I don't think it's His goal to keep me comfortable. I rest in knowing He is good.  I give all thanks to Him for 4 of the best years of my life.

Hello world, my name is Katy Trotty, BSN.