As of today Bryan and I have been together for 9 years. I
truly can’t believe it has been that long. Recently a friend asked if we were “as
perfect as we seem.” I have felt a little unsettled ever since hearing those
words. The answer to that question is definitely not! I’m actually sorry we
ever let people think that. It is important to me that you understand how
imperfect we are because behind every secret is a thousand lies. I pray that
you will find freedom in our transparency.
Bryan and I started dating when I was 16, and he was 20. We
were babies! I would love to tell you that was the source of all our problems,
but I would be lying. We aren’t babies anymore, and marriage is still really
hard. In these nine years we have survived a long distance relationship, we
have had premarital sex and then fought through stopping premarital sex for two
years before marriage, we have both been unfaithful at different times in and
outside of marriage, we have had trust issues, we have had control issues, we
have had respect issues, we have been ready to walk away, and we have wondered
if we made the right decision to be together…just to name a few things. These
are not just past tense. These are real things that we struggle through every
single day. Some are daily battles and others are scars, but they are not only in
the past. They are now.
Let me share something beautiful with you.
But he said to me, “My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore
I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ
may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
It isn’t comfortable for me to tell you how broken we are. I
am not proud of that brokenness, but I can boast in it because He is glorified
in it. I can come to my husband completely messed up because I am already
accepted by God through what Jesus did for me. I can air my dirty laundry because I am
righteous and redeemed by His blood that makes it white as snow. There are a
few reasons I believe that I am still married to the man of my dreams, and we
are loving life together.
1. We learned to walk
with God. There is a difference in believing in God and walking with Him.
When I cheated on my husband I was leading a Bible study. I wasn’t walking with
God. It is really easy to go through the motions to impress people, follow the
rules, or look good on the outside. Walking with God is freedom, love, rest,
and power. It is not sin, shame, fear, and guilt. It is not rules. It is not
lies. It is amazing. You should try it.
2. We have incredible
community. I believe wholeheartedly that our marriage would be much worse
off without the couples that showed us what marriage should look like. These
people spent hours with us pouring out truth, showing us the good and bad parts
of their marriages, and loving us through the hard stuff. It started in
premarital counseling and hasn’t stopped since. They have taught us that
marriage is hard and wonderful and scary and beautiful and that we can do it. For
some reason, I think our culture tells us we can’t do it. You can. Please
believe that you can. People ask us a lot why we are still in Nacogdoches. This
is why. These people we live life with are the best in the world.
3. We understand the
purpose of marriage. This one is important. We believe without any doubt
that marriage was designed to reflect the way Christ loves His church. Marriage
was created to make you holy, not make you happy. Our culture is obsessed with things that make you happy.
Because of the way you may have been influenced by that, this might make you a
little mad. Frankly, I don’t care. I guarantee you that you will never find
another human being that can make you happy all the time. We truly love living life
together, but on the days, or even seasons, where we don’t love it as much I
can rest assured that we will both still choose to love each other because we
understand that loving each other is bigger than making each other happy. We
understand that it is a choice that we have to make every day regardless of the
temptations that show up to do otherwise. Our marriage is about something,
Someone, way bigger than us. When I told Bryan that I cheated on him the very
first thing he said was, “God forgave me so I forgive you.” He meant it. He has
lived it every day since. That is grace. It is a beautiful picture of how God
loves me. That is the purpose of marriage.
It would take a book to explain every detail of our story
with you although I really wish I could. It is not secret; it is just too darn
long to fit here. There are scars because we have been through a lot, and
actions have consequences. There are still even temptations to run back to the
same sins even though we know how destructive they are. We have to make
decisions every day to protect our marriage from those things. We are not
perfect, but we are redeemed, and our marriage is pretty stinking great these
days. Here’s to many, many more sweet years with this man!
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| This was one of our first weeks at SFA. Doesn't my hubby look like such a handsome YOUNG man?! |
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