Unending love. Amazing grace.

I always viewed God as something that I could have more/less of. I felt like if I were good, I would get more of God, but when I was bad I would lose some of Him. As you can imagine, this shaped the way I looked at life a whole lot. While reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan about a year ago I realized how wrong I had been thinking about it. When I accepted Christ I got all of God at that moment. I will never be able to have any more or less of Him regardless of my actions. I wonder, then, how I can feel so far from God sometimes and so close to Him others. I've realized that it's not God that is moving...it's me. At points in my life where I feel like I am sinning a lot I tend to move away from doing things like praying, reading my Bible, and participating in fellowship with other Christians. It's important to note that "sinning a lot" is normally based on worldly standards. It's periods in my life where I feel like all people, Christian and not, would consider my actions wrong. If I were using the scriptural definition, I'd realize that I pretty much am in the same condition before God every day, filthy with sin. It's much easier to compare yourself to the world than to scripture. Anyway, the beauty in this is that God isn't moving! I think of Clayton. Sometimes he comes home in the afternoons completely black from playing in the mud. There's no telling the things that are on him including dirt in every crevice. Every night, though, his mom gives him a bath and washes away all that gunk. God does that to me too. What an amazing truth that His grace literally washes me clean every single day. What a patient God that I get a fresh start so often...a fresh start that I don't deserve one bit.

I bought a new Beth Moore study yesterday called Believing God. I'm looking forward to digging into this study starting tomorrow. I'm ashamed to say I haven't had a quiet time in months and I definitely feel the effects of that. I can't wait to see how I will be challenged through this study, and Beth Moore is always a delight. Sometimes I feel like my faith is a roller coaster. I have these awesome peaks, and not so awesome valleys. I've been in a valley for a little while...I'm ready for a peak.

This week, there have been many arrangements made for a funeral that took place yesterday. A family in our church buried their 4 year old daughter Ila who died last Saturday in a tragic accident. Yesterday, I was reading through Facebook, and someone's status said "Rest in peace little Ila." I immediately started feeling tears welling up in my eyes, and I didn't really know why. I didn't know Ila, but I knew lots of the families and kids she knew. I began to think about the words of that status. I believe Ila is in heaven with Jesus. I believe that heaven is a place where there is no pain or suffering. Ila truly gets to rest in peace for eternity. It is incredibly sad that this family had to say goodbye to their precious daughter, but today I think Ila is rejoicing. I think she got the best deal of all...an eternity with her Savior. Little Ila, I hope you are knowing a peace the none of us can understand on this earth. Please continue to pray for her family. Today at church, they looked beyond exhausted.

This blog is much longer than I expected it to be. These are just some things I thought about last night as I was going to bed, and they haven't really left my thoughts since. Today is rainy and cold. It's a good day for gumbo (which is on the stove) and a movie (which will happen very soon).